Friday, September 11, 2009

I miss you.

Never thought that i will see those 2 papers again. Even forgotten about the existence.

Somehow, i dunno why i suddenly have the urge to go back home today. There's no specific reason why. But ya, it did. I was home around 9 plus. Walked up to my room, put my stuff down on the floor.... I caught a glimpse on my study table. Something extra was on it. I was wondering..... when i saw, i was like wtf. Who throw some old rubbish papers on my table? ISH.

I was gonna shout. Yeah, i'm bad tempered. Sorry.

The next second, i took up the papers... take a closer look and i cried. I quickly put the papers away as my mum came in my room. Shy to let her notice my tears...... i went out of my room.

Went watch some nonsense tv program to clear up my mind. Then have a long chat with mum. Few days ago, my family went back for my grandma's prayer which sort of like a routine after someone 49 days after death. I didnt follow suit coz I was having exam. Perhaps this is the reason why i wanted to go home badly. I wanted to know the details bout it. Sadly to say, my another relative passed away and the funeral was a day b4 my grandma's prayer. *sigh* Everyone back there at my hometown was probably feeling extreamly down. Two of our close ones left us.....

After awhile, my mum asked me : Hey, u saw the 2 papers i put on ur table? We found that when we were clearing up grandma's belongings. Everyone was shocked to see that too! Grandma kept it for so many years!!! Maybe to her, that is really what she treasure most. ( I hold my tears..... )

That was 3 and a half hours ago.

Now, alone in room again... I picked up the 2 papers and read it. My hands shivering..... and i cant stop crying..... i just cant stop.

The first paper, it was ugly written words saying To : Po Po. From : Foo Shin Yeen.
I slowly open the folded paper, and i saw a drawing of rabbit. Colored with yellow and a red ribbon on top the rabbit's head. That is all. This small piece of paper which i tear from Esso-the petrol station notepad when i was a little kid is actually kept nicely by my grandma. Even though it has turned yellow and the drawings faded.

The other paper, written in mandarin words.... saying To my dearest grandma, Happy Mothers' Day!! Again, this old sheet of folded paper make me cry. I open it and i saw what i really meant to tell her. I Love You. I even asked her whether the "heart-shape" i draw look like LOVE? haha... From : Ur grand-daughther ShinYeen.

I felt so bad. Something that i thought was rubbish at first.... was treasured by my grandma all the years. And those are the only 2 things i gave her. Nothing else. I can't even remember the last time i gave her a hug. SHIT. I knew the coming Chinese New Year everything will be different without her. The person u celebrated ur CNY for 21 years is not going to be there anymore. The very first person i wish Happy New Year wont be there. All left was just a lifeless board with her name on it. This is depressing! Damn it.

Hoping that time can heal. Treasure ppl around u. Dont regret when its too late to say or do anything to them.

p.s. I miss u.

6 comments:

Shin Mei said...

ur post make me tearing again ~ the few days totally moody !! i miss her much too !!! Home and in my room ...all things cycling in my mind ~ it is uncontrollable...i found the 2 papers from the bag ~ u should be there with me , my dear ... so many stories to tell...

purple_star_88 said...

hahah... *hugs* i know u will understand my feelings! my mum told me what happened. DRAMA SIAL!

ciNdy said...

Sorry to hear about that~ya,we should learn to treasure~lik I always remember you and Tracy at that moment~I knw u do~

jessieloi said...

*hugs*

I still think about my grandfather nowadays even after 9 years since his passing. I miss him every day.

Know that she has not fully left you. She is there in your heart =)

purple_star_88 said...

cindy : yup. Always treasure. Btw, which tracy u talking about? haha.

loi : omg. I MISS YOU!! where have u been? read ur blog and seems like ur really busy but glad to know that ur enjoying it alot. take care and hope to see ya soon.

ciNdy said...

is Tracey~hehe,mayb you forgot ady...